How to Tell People You're Not Drinking

The drinking is rarely the hard part. The conversation about the drinking is. Here's the thing worth knowing up front: you owe nobody an explanation, and the shorter your answer, the faster the subject closes.

Short answers work better than good ones

A long explanation invites a discussion. A short one ends it. All of these work, and none require you to disclose anything:

• "I'm driving."
• "Not tonight, thanks."
• "I'm taking a break."
• "I'm good with this" — while holding something.

Hold a drink from the moment you arrive. Most people register the glass rather than its contents, and an empty hand is what prompts the question in the first place.

Decide in advance how much you're sharing

There's a real difference between close friends and a work party, and you're allowed to answer differently. Deciding beforehand means you're not making that judgement under pressure with someone waiting for an answer.

The person who won't drop it

Occasionally someone keeps pushing. It's worth knowing that this is almost never about you — people who are uneasy about their own drinking often find someone else's abstinence uncomfortable, and the pushing is that discomfort looking for an exit.

Repeating the same short answer without elaborating usually ends it, because there's nothing to argue with. If it continues, changing the subject or moving is entirely reasonable, and you don't need a reason for that either.

If you're the host

Have something good that isn't alcohol, put it out where everyone can see it, and offer it to everyone rather than singling anyone out. The most useful thing you can do for someone not drinking is make their choice unremarkable. How to host an alcohol-free party.